Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
