I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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