i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
