i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
