Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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