I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
