I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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