i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
