And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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