Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize