she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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