I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
