i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
