You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
