I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
