I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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