Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
