I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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