yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
