It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
