I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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