Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
