Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
