Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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