peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
