What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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