Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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