Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
