I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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