This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
