for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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