Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
