Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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