The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize