She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
