I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
