I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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