great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
