i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
