I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
