His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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