2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
