This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
