The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Mom said you looked used
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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