The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
