You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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