It's like God shit irony all over that family
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
