can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize