I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
