my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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