I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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