God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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