where am i from again
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
