life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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