just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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