Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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