Ambien. No doubt about it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
