Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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