I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
