I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize