the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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