i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
