Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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