So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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