Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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