ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
