i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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