4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
