dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
