Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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