i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
