I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I need water and some morals
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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