I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
