I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I love you.
Bad choice
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
