You're earring is so big in my mouth
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
They took my balls.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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