we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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