You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
