keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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