The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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