i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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