Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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