ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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