Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize