guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
