I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
