My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
