I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
