I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
