Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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