forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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