.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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