According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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