I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
