I wannas sexs uuuuu
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize